Hand of Rock - About Us & Our Heavy Metal Horns Shop
Mission Statement
Our aim is to provide you with wares that are decorated with the Hand of Rock. Initially this will be in the form of T-Shirts. But as time ticks by we hope to branch out into many other forms of fashion accessory and supply the planet with anything and everything known to man, decorated with the horned hand.
Slaves to the Hand of Rock
Topher Icecry - Overlord of the Rock Apocalypse
The brains (we use the term loosely) behind this empire of Rockness. Icecry runs the business on a day to day basis. If you’re silly enough to contact us, it is he who will be reading your words, attempting to work out what you’re saying and constructing replies to your most important questions.
Icecry is quite fat. Actually, that’s an understatement. He has his own centre of gravity. If he is nearby you have to fight against his gravitational pull or you will join the Big Mac and box of lard that orbit him at present and become his third moon.
Georgie Metaal - Queen of All Things
Not wanting Icecry to spend all her money, Georgie brought her business acumen to Hand of Rock. First, she purchased a whip which she lovingly named Bernard. Then she began to use him. The more lashing frenzies Bernard instigated, the more Georgie got the males in this operation to see things her way. Mrs Metaal works with Icecry on the day to day running of the business.
Georgie is a beautiful siren, the most gorgeous woman in the world and the brainiest being whose guidance is sought out by many. She is married to Icecry, who was inspired to write this after Bernard gently caressed his buttocks.
Dave Against The Machine - Vice Marshall of the Interweb
Master of website creation, DATM is herbivorous, much to the disgust of Grandmother. But his skills in website construction make up for this defect. Bluetree.co.uk is his company. We’ll have to see how long it takes for the creation of this website to completely destroy his credibility.
Dave has far too much hair which his co-workers think he should cut into a mullet for their general amusement.
Beelzebezzy - Monarch of Doodles
Beelzebezzy is one of those fortunate individuals who has a job he quite likes. Unfortunately he knows Icecry and that’s where his life started to go wrong. Now he is kept in a box at a secret location and is only allowed out for a wee if he comes up with stunning designs worthy of Rock and Metal. To view more of his artwork click here
Beelzebezzy is a quiet individual who likes spending time with his family and badger baiting.
Rockin' Rob Rowles - Purveyor of Pics
Rockin' Rob knows how to capture ‘love’ on film. Being the only man on the planet who knows this photographic technique, we had to invite him to do all our T-Shirt pics. You can see more of his photographic magic at: www.element-of-light.co.uk
Our Very Pretty T-Shirt Bitches Mark I
Left to right: Ian Maiden, Vicky-Torian, Biker John & Hellbeckons.
Our Very Pretty T-Shirt Bitches Mark II
Left to right: Charlotte the Harlott, Joanstone, Emmaroid, Jess the Magnificent, Colonel Egghed & Stella Artois.
Birth / Concept
One fine day Topher Icecry did sit down to think. Sadly, being a drummer, he found he couldn’t. So he tried to have just one idea. Unfortunately, having the attention span of a sheep (on amphetamines), he failed. Giving up, he tried to stand, but having the dexterity of a tin of Spam (that is crippled by polio) he did not succeed in this simple task and fell over. While lying in an ever growing pool of his own drool he looked at the sky. The clouds moved against the wind and formed a strange and ghastly shape - the Hand of Rock!
Feeling the sky had somehow imparted a message to him, Icecry went to the bank manager and asked him for a loan to start his T-shirt business - the Hand of Rock. The bank manager laughed. A lot. A tad too much for Icecry’s liking. So he had to hit him in the head, very hard.
After a brief stop in prison, Icecry persuaded other people with tiny brains to join him on this great Hand of Rock T-Shirt business venture. Once Dave Against The Machine and Beelzebezzy had been plied with enough booze to agree to certain wildly unfair terms and conditions, the Hand of Rock T-shirt business was started on a credit card. This pleased Icecry’s wife to no end. That’s when Bernard the whip was purchased, and now Georgie Metaal and the 'sacred length of leather' are far more involved in running the business. Very wise. Allowing a drummer to rule finance is most silly.
If you happen to be a millionaire with a few quid spare, please help, or this business will shortly be run by eunuchs.
